June 1st - My Birthday!!

The Monday right after the festival was my birthday!! One of the projects through Sarakasi is the Hospital Project where a group of about 7 goes everyday to Kenyatta National Hospital to entertain and amuse the kids. It is a truly fantastic program because life in the hospital for those kids is pretty dismal and giving them the chance to laugh, and draw, and be creative is something they really need. This program relates to my birthday because one of the women who use to work for the program was having her traditional Kikuyu wedding on my birthday and I was invited to go. Her name is Shiro and she was marrying a Dutch man. A traditional Kikuyu wedding is made up of four parts and usually takes place across a year’s time but because he was a foreigner and Shiro now lives in the Netherlands, they decided to combine everything in one day. Kikuyu is one of the largest ethnic groups in Kenya and while I had been to a Catholic wedding in Kenya last time I was here I was excited to see this traditional wedding.
Becca and I went to the wedding with a friend a co-worker from Sarakasi named Tabby. Tabby is a good friend and is also Kikuyu so she got to act as our translator. The entire proceedings were in Kikuyu (not Kiswahili) and luckily mostly translated for the benefit of the groom and us. We arrived to the compound where the wedding was to take place and walked through the gates to find roughly 100 people inside sitting and waiting for things to begin (even though it was an hour after the time the wedding was set to start). When arrived they led us past everyone seated into the home to eat. On the way in we passed the groom and I was stopped to say hi to him. Tabby (Kenyan) and Becca (Bangladeshi-American) were not stopped but I was told I needed to greet my fellow tribe member; we were the only two mzungus, white people, in the compound. In the home we sat down and ate a variety of Kenyan foods that were all delicious. After eating we were led back outside and given prime seating to see the wedding.
The first ceremony was introducing the two families. I was told that this is traditional because it was a good way to make sure the two getting married weren’t related. The groom, named Michel, was introduced to all of Shiro’s family including her parents, siblings, aunts, uncles. Because none of his family was present he had a Kenyan man and woman acting as his parents and during the whole ceremony it was an on-going joke that he and his “parents” had just come from the Netherlands. After the introductions were complete they moved on to the second ceremony which was the dowry negotiations.
For the dowry negotiations Shiro was sent to one side of the compound and Michel, his men, and the male relatives of Shiro went inside to agree on a dowry price. I think negotiations took about 45min but I was told that it can sometimes last for significantly longer. Dowry negotiation is often an event in itself and relatives have refused to give women as wives until all dowry arrangements are agreed upon and paid. Essentially they hold the bride hostage or as ransom. I was told that in Luo weddings (another ethnic group) the dowry amount is announced but in Kikuyu weddings the dowry amount stays between the families.
The third part of the ceremony was my favorite part. Shiro went inside and changed her dress, shoes, everything. She then comes out of the house with five other women and their heads and faces are all covered with fabric. What the groom must do then is identify his bride amongst the covered ladies. He gets one guess and if he guesses wrong he is of course embarrassed, the butt of some jokes, and is fined one goat. This part of the wedding was so much fun because everyone was speculating about who it could be. Two were a little bit taller, one was a bit short, and three were the same height. I was trying to guess based on shoes which worked out horribly (I was way off). Tabby and Becca also were guessing but more based on height. Michel was a really good sport and walked up to three of the girls individually, quietly said “boo!” in their faces, then shook his head and walked away. Since I clearly had no idea which one she was I was nervous for him but eventually he said that he had chosen one. He pulled the fabric off her head, picked her up, and spun her around saying “I want this one” (he of course picked right). Shiro later told me that he had identified her by her earrings, go figure.
The fourth and final ceremony was the actual marriage ceremony. The first part was the cutting of the cake; and by cake I mean goat shoulder. The men had spent the entire three ceremonies over by a grill roasting goat meat and at this time they loaded about half a goat worth on a plate and brought it to the bride and groom. “Cutting the cake” is the legally binding act of the marriage proceedings. What happens is the man holds one side of the shoulder and the woman the other. The man then has to cut clean through the shoulder without lifting the knife from the meat. Once he does that then they’re officially married. Michel cut through the leg without a problem and everyone started cheering. They then had to feed each other and their family.
After everyone had some of the goat it was taken away. Next come other ceremony like activities but I was not told that they themselves were independent ceremonies. After the goat was taken away some porridge, in Kiswahili called ugi, (‘ooh-gi’) was put into a calabash dish. Michel sat down and Shiro was supposed to feed him the porridge to symbolize that she would take care of him during the marriage. The trick is that the groom is told that he must refuse the porridge the first couple times. The first time Shiro offered Michel just shook his head and Shiro picked up a comb and combed his hair for him. She then offered the porridge again and when he refused the second time (this time by sticking his nose up in a comical way) Shiro got a cloth and pretended to shine his shoes. The third time when Michel refused Shiro tied a small bib around his neck. He then agreed and drank some of the porridge. I think he was suppose to drink all of the porridge but he didn’t a frankly I don’t blame him. I tried some porridge at a school here and it is not a taste that I’m acquainted with at all. It’s made from millet that has been boiled, or fermented, or something. The only way I can describe the porridge is to say that it’s like a half-solid half-liquid, more sludge-like drink that tastes like corn but a little sweet. It’s like nothing I’ve tasted before and I don’t see mass porridge consumption in my future.
After the porridge there was singing and dancing where all of the women in the compound were doing a call and response song to one woman leading and Michel and Shiro were dancing. Once that finished we were swept back into the house where we had first eaten. Where the food once was there now were cases and cases of beer and soda and two jerry cans of “local brew”. There was some long winded speech about the beer being divided between the families, a case here, a case there, and after the people I was with had a soda we decided it might be best to leave before the drinking. We left around 7:30pm and Shiro later told me that after she left at 11:00pm she still received calls from those still drinking until 3:00am.
All in all it was a wonderful day. My birthday finished with Becca, our housemate Patrick, and two Sarakasi co-workers Eskil and Tabby joining me at Trattioria a really nice Italian restaurant down town. It was a great birthday.